Part 6: 22 Years Old continued

After six weeks of hobbling about on crutches whenever I had to go somewhere, I visited my

orthopedist, asking if it was finally time for me to walk without them. After examining my leg, he agreed

that I can proceed to a “walking cast”. This would enable me to limp around, without crutches, though I

would have to use a cane. Though uncomfortable, it was much, much better than having to go about on

those damnable crutches. When I got home, I delightedly practiced moving around with this new setup.

     Before long, my mother said I was now well enough to return to Santa Barbara. My new college

classes were starting soon anyway, though she didn’t know that I had only signed up for online classes

for the Autumn semester out of fear that I might have to start college while still crippled. She had grown

tired of having to deal with me, as she always was in the past. I spent a few more days at mother’s with

my walking cast and cane before she made me go back to Santa Barbara, telling me I can return to visit

in two weeks.


     I made my ominous drive back to Santa Barbara, and as I drove I thought about all of the injustices I

had to face in the last two years I had spent there. Injustices that had never been set right. Now was the

time to set them right. Now was the time for Retribution. 

     When I got back to my apartment, I saw that my housemates Chris and Jon had moved out. A pity, as

they were the most pleasant housemates I could have hoped for. I feared what my new ones would be

like, and I was told they would be coming in a few weeks. I had the place to myself for that period, which

suited me well. I refused to leave my room at all until I was able to at least lose my walking cast. I spent

the time doing the same thing I did at mother’s house. I watched a lot of movies, and sat around

contemplating my future.


     Upon my visit home, I went to see my orthopedist for one last time, and he told me I can finally walk

without any cast around my leg, though I would need the cane for a few more weeks. I was content with

this, as I didn’t mind the cane that much. It had a peculiar elegance about it.


     On that same weekend, I met up with Philip and Addison. We had been planning to meet during the

summer, but I had to postpone it because of my terrible injury. I took them out in my father’s Mercedes

SUV, and we went on another one of our adventures around Los Angeles. First, we went to an exquisite

Japanese restaurant on Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood. I was thankful I didn’t see any young

couples my age there, most of them were older than us. Afterwards, we went to Griffith Park

Observatory, under Philip’s suggestion. Going there brought back memories, both good and bad. It was

ever a tradition for the three of us to go there, as we had been so many times. The place provided an

expansive view of the city of L.A. At night it was absolutely exquisite. The Griffith Park Observatory was

truly a wondrous place to admire the beauty of the world… but the whole experience was ruined, of

course, by the sight of so many young couples kissing there, right under the stars. Those boys must have

been in heaven, to experience such a place with their beautiful girlfriends. 

     Seeing all of those young couples at Griffith Park filled me with rage for the rest of the night. It

reminded me of the injustices I have to face in life, and my war against it all. When I drove down the hill

from the Observatory, I saw more young couples walking around, and I had the desire to run them over

with the Mercedes as a sweet act of revenge. I already planned to use the Mercedes SUV as one of my

weapons on the Day of Retribution, since Isla Vista on weekend nights was always filled with my

enemies walking right in the middle of the road. They would be easy targets.

     After the disastrous experience at Griffith Park, we decided to take a late night trip all the way to

Palos Verdes, just to admire the scenery. I had never been down there, and Addison told me it was a

peaceful, quiet, and exquisite place that provided an extraordinary view. When we arrived at a beach

park in Palos Verdes that overlooked the ocean, Philip had fallen asleep, so it was just me and Addison

who went out to walk around. I took an instant liking to the place, and explored it as much as I could,

even though I was still limping with my cane. As the two of us looked up at the stars, we had a few

insightful conversations. Addison told me more about his experiences among the popular kids of Malibu,

in which I still envied him greatly for. I told him about all of my newfound philosophical views regarding

women, and how I believe they are mentally flawed and need to be contained. He didn’t show any hint

of how he felt about this. Addison told me that I was a person of high intelligence, and that I shouldn’t

waste it by doing something “rash”. I believe he had a suspicion that I was indeed planning on

massacring my enemies and then killing myself. Of course he would have that suspicion… In a way I think

he knew me better than anyone else. I am indeed an intelligent person, but the cruelty of this world

gives me no choice but to exact my Retribution. I tactfully told Addison that I had no intentions of “doing

anything stupid”. That was my last conversation with him. It was also the last time I ever saw Philip and



     I also went to meet with my father’s friend Dale Launer on that weekend. Dale Launer is a successful

Hollywood screenwriter and producer who owns a nice house in the Pacific Palisades. Dale and my

father have been friends for many years. When I was a child, father sometimes took me to dinner

parties at his house. I hadn’t seen Dale since I was a child, but within the last few months I began to

have email conversations with him after he found out I was having trouble with girls. He wanted to help

me overcome my troubles because he is a so-called expert with women. He even showed me pictures of

all of the gorgeous women he has dated in his life, and there were a lot of them. This man truly lived. 

     A few men who are successful with women have offered me help and advice about this in the past,

but nothing ever came of it. I suppose they want to help because it would be a boost to their already big

egos, and also because they feel sorry for me. People should feel sorry for me. My life is so pathetic, and

I hate the world for forcing me to suffer it. I feel sorry for myself. 

     In truth, there is nothing men like Dale can really do to help me attract girls and lose my virginity.

They can’t mind-control girls to be attracted to me. It’s all girls’ fault for not having any sexual attraction

towards me. My brief friendship with Dale would, however, spark a few more interesting email

conversations where I confide to him about how cruel I think women are by nature. He would only be

amused by this. Of course he would be amused. Women were never cruel to him. They gave him sex and

love all his life.


     I had an argument with Soumaya while I was visiting father’s house. It started when she began to

boast that my brother Jazz was recently signed by an agent to act in T.V. commercials. She said that by

the time he is my age, he will be a successful actor. I talked about how Jazz was already so socially savvy

for his age, and how I’ve always envied him for it. She told me he will never have any problems with

girls, and will lose his virginity while he’s young. I had to sit there and listen to the bitch tell me that my

little brother will grow up enjoying the life I’ve always craved for, but missed out on. It is very unfair how

some boys are able to live such pleasurable lives while I never had any taste of it, and now it has been

confirmed to me that my little brother will become one of them. He will become a popular kid who gets

all the girls. Girls will love him. He will become one of my enemies. 

     That was the day that I decided I would have to kill him on the Day of Retribution. I will not allow the

boy to surpass me at everything, to live the life I’ve always wanted. It’s not fair that he has the chance to

have a pleasurable life while I’ve been denied it. It will be a hard thing to do, because I had really

bonded with my little brother in the last year, and he respected and looked up to me. But I would have

to do it. If I can’t live a pleasurable life, then neither will he! I will not let him put my legacy to shame.

     In order to kill Jazz, I would have to kill Soumaya too, but that will be easy. All I would need to do is

think about all of the hurtful things she had said to me in that past as I plunge my knife into her neck.

But what if father is in the house to stop me? Would I have to kill him too? That would be too much. I

remember, when I was a child, I had dreams about my father dying, and I woke up crying to my mother,

in which she would comfort me and tell me that it was just a dream. How could my life have resorted to

the point where I am the one to kill my own father? I felt sick to my stomach.

     I concluded that I would have to set the Day of Retribution during a time when my father is out of the

country, on one of his business trips. It would be too risky to try to kill him. I might hesitate at the last


     When I thought about all of this, I truly did feel sick. I felt a shiver run through me. My whole world

had become so twisted and wrong. I didn’t want it to come to this. I desperately wanted a way out.



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